Empty Nest
When birds build their
nests, they instinctively know that they will have to build a new nest, or
remodel their nest for a place to abide when the birds fly the coupe. One of the things that many women struggle
with is what we call the “empty nest syndrome.”
As an empty nester for over 10 years, I know the syndrome well. Fortunately, I have learned to build a new
nest instead of sorrowing over the fact that my baby nest is empty.
I believe that one of the reasons women do struggle so much
is because we, unlike our bird friends, do not prepare or even consider that we
will have a need for a different type of nest.
From the minute, our babies are
conceived they are in our hearts to stay – nothing separates us from the love
that we have for our children. However,
every step in life is a step towards our children leaving the nest.
- They leave the womb
- They sleep in their own beds
- They begin to crawl and walk
- They go to school, get involved in sports and get jobs
- They learn to drive
- They go to college
- They get married and establish their own homes
Isn’t it amazing that it can be reduced to just 7 simple
points? Of course at first, our children are so completely
dependent on us – for everything! Little
by little, they eat on their own, they go potty on their own, they learn to
read and think on their own, they spend more and more time away from us – and
yet, we are never ready to let them go!
So, how can we fix this?
Well, first of all, no matter how prepared we are we will
still miss our “babies” and always fondly remember the cute little munchkins
and miss that special time in our lives.
So, just to be clear, this is in no way any kind of lesson on how to
“not be sad” when our kids move away…that ain’t gonna happen! But – what I am
trying to accomplish is to help other ladies have a fulfilling life so that the
emptiness is an accepted and anticipated life with a prepared nest. So, here
goes.
1.
Make sure
you have a walk with God and ask Him to direct your thoughts, to comfort your
heart, and to fill the emptiness you feel
2.
Always, always, always remember that you and
your husband were sweethearts before the kids, you married and became one, and
when the kids are gone it will be the two of you once again – so keep the
romance alive!
3.
Have a ministry that you love and are willing to
invest your time and talents to grow
4.
Have a good communicating relationship with your
kids
a.
Spend time listening to them without always have
to correct their opinions
b.
Support and encourage them in their plans and
dreams
c.
Pray, pray, pray for them and let them know
you’re praying for them – so get requests from them. (and I don’t mean that every time they tell
you something you don’t like that you respond by saying, “I am praying for you”
so that they feel judged more than loved and covered by God’s protection and
guidance)
5.
Make plans for things you’d like to do when you
have no kids in your home – and as the time approaches, begin to prepare for
implementation
6.
Pray and ask God to give you grace for your new
life
7.
When the last one leaves, go on a vacation with
your hubby to establish your new life without kids
Now, with all of that said, please remember that it is never
easy to let your kids go…and the further they go, the harder it is. The Lord was very gracious to us in allowing us to have all of our married
children close to us for the first many years that our kids were married. Then, in 2008, things changed! Our youngest son and his family moved from
California, and being our nearest neighbor, all the way to North Carolina! Honestly, the day we took them to the airport
and had to say “goodbye” still brings tears to my eyes. For the first several months, every time I
spoke to them on the phone I cried because my heart yearned so deeply to have
them near. In time, the Lord helped me
to appreciate the precious time we do spend together, and I am so thankful that
He has allowed us to visit them at the very least once a year for 10 days or
so.
For the last several years we have lived 90 miles away from
our 3 other children families, and my husband has been great at making sure we
could visit them very regularly – and so even though they were not living in
our neighborhood, or serving together with us in church, we have been able to
have our children in our lives in spite of the miles. Last night we said our very tearful and sad goodbyes
as another one of our kids’ families is moving to North Carolina to begin a new
chapter as staff members at a very good church there. In my heart, I am happy for their life
choices, but feel so sad that they will be so far away!
The empty nest is an adjustment because we feel a loss and
by definition “empty” is a sad word.
Empty: containing nothing; having none of the usual or
appropriate contents; destitute of people or human activity.
So, remember that the first point
in helping adjust is to have that walk with God? I promise you that as you walk closely with
your precious Lord, He will keep every promise He has given!
Here are a couple promises that He offers:
“Blessed are ye that hunger now:
for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh.” Luke 6:21
“As one whom his mother
comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem.” Isaiah 66:13
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